What comes after success? I don’t know
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It’s been a year now, and after reading my columns, you can probably tell I am kind of an emotional rollercoaster, a very honest person and a work in progress. I’ve been plastered all over Central Mass. for the past few months with awards, accolades and being the keynote speaker for Worcester State University’s commencement, and I agree, it’s getting kind of annoying. I keep joking with everyone about me going into hiding … but with every bit of kidding, there is a little truth.
Looking back on the past year, and how sad I was last May, I cannot believe the changes I have gone through. I guess you don’t realize you have experienced some pretty dark times until you see the light again. But now this is all seemingly behind me. I’m currently sitting at my desk at work with one of my employees looking at videos of my niece. These were the times I had always hoped for; to provide comfort and stability for those who work for me.
But I can’t help the overwhelming feeling of wondering what’s next. There was a time before, for many years, I would have never been able to sit at my desk during a work day without being interrupted every two minutes. Actually, I never really had a desk until a year ago. Nonetheless, I went through all this struggle and now I feel … bored.
Of course, my kitchen still needs me sometimes, and I will help out in the front. Yet, for the most part, my employees can run the shop without me, which is what I wanted and worked for. So, now what? I am not the type of person who likes being bored or being at work without a purpose. When you have too much time on your hands, you cannot get out of your own thoughts. While relaxing during my massage on my honeymoon, I honestly had a panic attack. Not a scary one, I just started laughing out loud when everything was silent because I could not get out of my own head. The masseuse was very confused.
Is it just the trait of a small business owner, or the boss, to constantly feel we need to be working or doing something involving the business? When we take time off to do normal things like move into our new house or go on our honeymoon, does guilt have to be associated with it? Do our employees care if we aren’t there? Are they going to give the same amount of effort they would if I was there? Am I getting complacent?
I have goals and aspirations of what I want to do next. I want to open a bakery/café, and I have been working on that for about nine months. I want to own rental properties. I want to continue being a keynote speaker for events, writing this column, and spreading my knowledge wherever I can. I want to visit other bakeries just starting out and help them however I can. I want to go back to school or maybe even be a professor. But I also want to lay low and make my new house a home. I want to adopt a dog. I want to have children. I want to sleep in and come and go as I please. Wait!?! Do get to sleep in if you have children or a dog?!?
I don’t have all the answers. I’ve come a long way and have worked really hard to get where I am today, but I don’t know where I am going. I still feel guilty when I am not overwhelming myself with work rather than appreciating I trained my staff well enough to handle things without me. I still check in with my staff in the morning to see if there is anything they need, and I even ask permission to take a day off every once and awhile. I know that seems odd, but I view us a team.
What I do know is that throughout this year, I have seen the best quality traits come out of my staff invested in my business. The ones who love their job, come in early, come in on their day off and don’t hesitate to stay late when they need to. When their teammates are lacking, they pick up the slack. So, even though I currently do not know what my next move is, there is so much love surrounding my little family I have created, and that makes me one proud mama.
Renee Diaz is the owner of The Queen's Cups bakery in Worcester, which generated more than $1 million in revenue last year.
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